Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
