he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
