Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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