What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
