I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
