The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
