Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
