At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
