My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
