I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
