I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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