remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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