I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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