I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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