i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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