update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
