I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
