fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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