Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
