I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
