Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
