i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
