why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
