I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
