gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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