that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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