from now on my penis is your penis
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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