What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
