I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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