you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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