God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
