I skipped work to stalk him.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
