Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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