Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
