Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
