Sponge bath it is.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
