I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Floor bacon is actually really good
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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