it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
