That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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