I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
