So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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