I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why do cheetos always look like penises
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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