Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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