My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
