He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
