Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
