puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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