Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
4 words: hood of his car
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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