D3 body, D1 cock
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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