dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
