can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
