im having a threesome with these popsicles
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
