On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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