also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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